Sometimes the Answer is Right In Front of You

One of my seventh graders with an inquiring mind ("Inquiring minds want to know!") today asked me what my theme song is. My first reaction was...yep, you guessed it, fear. So much of the music I enjoy is either on the inappropriate-for-seventh-graders side, or too-obscure-for-them-to-care side, or the over-their-heads-side (hey, three sides: that's a triangle!) that I struggled for a while. The answer I gave was unsatisfactory, and only led to more questioning. I should have known better. I made the mistake of telling them it wasn't really appropriate. Well didn't their twisted little minds start churning: "Is it 'Bad Touch'?" "NO! Does your mother even know you guys listen to that?", I asked, blushing. "Heh, heh, heh!", they evilly chuckle, answering that question. When they asked me the question, my original response was far more benign. I thought "Satan is My Motor", by CAKE. But it's really not that. I like to think of myself as evil sometimes, but it's an act I have a hard time pulling off. I'm much more mischievous than evil.

My other immediate thought was "Pirate", by Too Much Joy:

I've got a beard/I've got a gold hoop in my ear
It's time to rape and pillage/and break the windows in this village
Everyone thinks he's crazy (everyone is right)
Everyone should sleep WITH EVERYONE TONIGHT, Who-o-oah!
I'm just sittin' here, waitin' for a tra-a-ain (ooh, ooh)
Tomorrow I'll be waitin' here again (ah-ha)
Well, the pirate in me/is lo-o-ost
Somewhere at sea
Oooooh, ba da da-da da
Somewhere at sea
Oooooh, ba da da-da da

Now TMJ is my official band, the band of which I feel I must be a long lost member. I am still planning a Too Much Joy blog in the not too distant future (I think it might be called "Ode to Joy") and there are numerous TMJ songs that could make my list, but "Pirate" is a little too, IDK, immature for me at this advanced stage of my life. That was me at 22, which is exactly what I love about TMJ. They are me at different times of my life. More in the "Ode to Joy" post to come.

Then I started to think like a major league closer: Papelbon with "Shipping Up to Boston", Trevor Hoffman's "Hell's Bells", Eric Gagne's "What Have You Done for Me Lately" (not really). If I were a major league closer, my entry music would have to be Kenny Rogers' "Long Arm of the Law" just for the irony. All these closers try to be so tough with their personal music. Imagine a guy coming in to a well timed "Tiptoe Through the Tulips". The batter would be laughing so hard he couldn't even see the ball. Kind of like all those pitchers with the picture of Jason Giambi in a gold lame tiger print thong indelibly etched in their psyche--how could you possibly pitch to him? (For those of you who missed it, Giambi recently revealed that is the finery he wears when he needs to break out of a slump. Even more disturbingly, he also reported that numerous teammates have worn the thing to break out of slumps. I have a bunch of punchlines I can't even bring myself to type.)

Really, the question plagued me for quite some time; even up until I began to write this entry. Then it dawned on me: three months ago when I started this blog, I think I had it all right: "There's Always Someone Cooler Than You", by Ben Folds. It's on my lastfm.com playlist to the right:

Smile
Like you've got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There's always someone out there cooler than you

Think about it and get back to me if you can find anything you think is more appropriate, because I just can't. And feel free to send me your thoughts on your own theme songs. It's been kind of a fun exercise.